Union
by Lizabethia
Summary: Insights into lover's hearts and minds at the genesis of galactic war...because we all wondered how Padme's AOTC arena love confession turned into a marriage with the Chosen One. ANAKIN'S THOUGHTS UP 5/3
1. Part I: Padme

Read a lot of these "proposal" type stories back in the day when the prequels were coming out...now it's my turn on a take...Not sure how many chapters it will last, 4, 5? Reviews make me write faster and better : )

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**"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." -MLK**

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_Padame Naberrie Amidala_

_Hyperspace, somehere en route to Coruscant_

I feel two things right now.1. My overwhelming, all-encompassing concern for you and 2. The eyes of Masters Kenobi and Yoda upon us.

It's because I haven't left you're side Anakin. Nothing could take me away and no one's suggested to me I do otherwise. Yet I sense the heavy disapproval wafting in our direction from across the ship. No, I can't fool myself; I recognize my rushing to your side, my fierce embrace of you following your confrontation with Dooku did not go unscrutinized. It unnerves me a little, the Jedi Masters' hyper-attention to you even amidst the chaos of battle. I remind myself to dissect the priorities of the Jedi Order at later time…

There are tiny, iridescent pearls of sweat on your forehead and I'm wishing I had a cool towel to wipe them away. For hours now you've been unconscious in some sort of Jedi-healing induced trance. Med-driods have you hooked up to countless cords and cables pumping 'force-knows-what' into your veins. The monitors blink and click rhythmically in time to the *plink, plink* of your bacta-drip and I realize my hectic breathing from earlier has finally slowed in tune to its mechanized pattern. So many devices connected to you. I can't help but grimace at the sight of more machine than man.

Oh Ani, you've been hurt horribly, but you're strong. You're life has been full of suffering-some suffering I've been with you through and some I can only sympathize with. And your afflictions in the past few days alone has been more than most experience in a lifetime.

The loss of your mother. The loss of so many Jedi brethren. The loss of your limb.

In this moment, there's nothing I can do but stay next to you and privilege your unconscious body with my presence, hoping, praying that I can soothe you like you said I could. You've always been so honest with me so I don't doubt that it's the truth. So I am thankful that you're unconscious, thankful that you're resting somewhere far, far away. True, it's a certain kind of torture, having you here but not really having _you_ here though I'm not too lonely or selfish to wish for your company in your present pain; your physical wounds are great and you're emotional wounds undoubtedly greater. I beg your body and spirit to heal. _Heal, please heal, get better, come back to me, come back to me with the same bright spirit. Come back and love me again. I promise to love you back…_my mind plays this mantra on repeat.

Your cot is low to the ground where I sit next to it with my head leaning against the wall. I usually enjoy my time in hyperspace. Despite the recycled air and the constant chill of a ship cabin, a space commute is typically a time when I can recover between travels to Coruscant or Naboo or the other myriad of planets the politician's life has shuffled me between. On the contrary, today there will be no rest for me. A war breaks upon the horizon of the Republic and it has broken the body of my love. Thus the hours crawl by slowly and my mind wonders...

_"__You love me! I thought we decided not to fall in love. That we would be forced to live a lie. That it would destroy our lives."_

_"__I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway and before we die, I want you to know."_

Well, Ani we're not dead. Just cut up, bruised, worse-for-wear but alive.

No, I did not tell you I loved you because it was the easy thing to do. I didn't do it as a last favor or boon before impending doom. I once told you that giving into our love would be to live a lie. I was wrong; our love could never be a lie. It is our truth. And I couldn't let that truth die within this transient body.

I reach a hand behind my back and lightly finger the scratches. I wince. I refused medical care, insisting every med-droid attend to you and the Jedi first. Besides, my adrenaline up to now hasn't let the pain invade my senses. I fought with a passion against that nexu and droids so our love would have a chance to live.

Love.

Today I have felt many things-panic, injustice, fear, resolution, anger, aggression, determination, and yes, love. Since I have allowed my heart to feel for you, it also threatens to crumble and break for you. I guess that's the rate of exchange for love.

Unexpectedly, Master Obi-Want approaches me. I prepare to argue for the sake of staying here with you but before I can say a word he crouches down besides us, takes a blanket from beneath his cloak, and hands it to me. He exhales. "Padme, you must try to sleep. We still have several hours until we reach Coruscant." His tone is both compassionate and authoritarian, like a kindly parent. I've heard my own father and mother use it as a child.

I shake my head in forlorn agreement. Without saying a word I accept the utilitarian blanket and watch him walk off. Maybe I was mistaken about his perceived judgment…

So I lay the blanket over my legs and bare midriff and will myself to rest. Instead I drift in and out of fidgety un-sleep. Sometime later the low hum of the ship's interior is interrupted by increased hurried shuffling of the clone crew and Jedi passengers. Quiet mumbling is replaced with louder conversation and orders are given for landing. We must be almost there. I'm anxious. They've going to take you away from me soon.

When you do come back to me, when the Jedi healers at the temple fix you up, fit you for a mechno-arm, I'll be waiting. War is coming and we'll both need each other to fall into when things go well and lean against then they go wrong. I know deeply that the Order is where you belong; it's what Shmi would have wanted. Yet, the Jedi cannot give you what I can-how can they begin to offer what they've never had themselves? A family. A home. A lover. Yet they do give the structure and purpose to your life that I simply could never deliver. My heart may be light with love, but this head remains grounded.

Our transport descends upon a landing dock at the Jedi Temple. As I expected, there is rush of action upon the disembarkment. Several clone troopers come to carry your cot away to the Temple._ Come back to me, soon, soon, please..._

The artifical wind on Coruscant blows into the ship stinging my watering eyes. The sight of you leaving me is the last thing I see before yellow light blurs my peripheral vision, I hear an unfamiliar ringing, and all goes black.

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Feedback-good, bad, ugly, constructive? Cliff hangers resolve faster with comments ; ) Anakin's thoughts to come...


	2. Part II: Anakin

Thank you for your reviews, follows, and favorites fair readers! Sorry for the delay inbetween posts, pls expect a new Padme part to go up much sooner. Fyi readers, this is a story based on the inner motivations and thought processes leading up to marriae, I hope no one is expecting major AU plot twists or turns. Trying to respect cannon in this one.

**Mmbookworm **– Thanks for reading. I appreciate your input. You're right, these are not truly rambling thoughts, I believe other authors have the style covered. I was (hopefully) writing in more detailed prose

**Lusitana **– Thanks! I hope you continue to read and enjoy

**Resikat** - Thanks for the thoughtful comment. Sorry for the long wait for the 2nd post, work got crazy the past couple weeks. And Anakin is not a easy character to write first-person.

**sharp52092** - I appreciate your interest

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**"So I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you." **

– **Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist**

_Anakin Skywalker_

_Jedi Temple, Coruscant _

Inner peace.

Harmony.

Serenity.

That's what I'm supposed to be dwelling on. It's easier, not to mention a more enjoyable way to pass the time, to think of the person that brings me that peace and serenity. I'm tired, so very tired, of trying to rely on my own ability to procure it.

_Padme's flushed cheeks. Dewey and pink. The soft, botanical smell of her hair. A scent full of life. The slide of her lips against mine. Pure bliss…_

I lick my own mouth craving that bliss again. These are the things my mind is set upon. My conscience flips through our moments together, one after another. As soon as one memory ends another detail of a moment spent with her rushes through like the Coruscant traffic outside my chamber's window. If the shades weren't closed I could no doubt see the endless speeders hastening through the city. Maybe she's in one of those speeders right now. I stop myself from irrationally peaking through the shut blinds.

I sigh. My injuries have confined me to the Temple ever since our return from Geonosis. But that will change soon. Right away, Obi-Wan sat me down after we were both discharged from the Halls of Healing…

_"Our choices define who we are." _

_ "Of course, Master."_

_"As Jedi we are expected to make decisions in accordance to the will of the Force for the better of the galaxy. That is why there is a Code for us to follow. It aids in our decision-making. It guides our knowledge so we can best identify between the Force's will and what may be our personal, flawed outlook…"_

_ "A lesson in will of the Force, Master? I'm not sure where…"_

_ Obi-Wan had held his hand up in gentle rebuttal. _

_ "You've been called by the Council to escort Senator Amidala back to Naboo. Anakin, I'm imploring you to yet again, look past your personal feelings on this journey and to make the correct decisions as a Jedi." _

My jaw clenches remembering our conversation, no, lecture. What had he said? That the Force's will could never conflict with our Jedi code? So according to his logic the **most** **ubiquitous power in the universe** was boxed in by a list of man-made tenants and rules? I don't know if I can believe that. I do however believe in destiny...It is destiny and destiny alone that has brought me to her again after all these years. Surely the Force had a role in that.

And as much as I have learned to respect the Code and to live my life according to it, I still strive to follow the _Living_ Force as Qui-Gon had iterated. I recall so vividly his words to me on that day of the pod race...

_"Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don't think. Trust your instincts."_

Wise words for then and for now. Instinct is something a Jedi relies on heavily; I owe my life a hundred fold to it. Yet those same instinctive signals invoked her name within me during my recovery, they invoke it even now…Padme Naberrie Amidala. Padme Naberrie. Padme. Just Padme. My Padme.

My feelings aren't forced or manipulated. Unlike this convoluted meditation session it doesn't require special learned breathing or skilled mindfulness. Our love, our feelings came naturally from within both of us. I can feel myself smiling; I'm a man in love with love returned. Who else within these Temple walls can say the same? How awe inducing! How natural! What could be more transcendent than this?

She has seen me at my worst after my mother's death and chose to love me still. The pain of mom's passing still roars inside; her limp, emaciated body the heaviest weight I have ever bore. Cross-legged on this cushioned platform my muscles begin to seize with tension and my jaw clamps tight.

Then I envision Padme's trusting brown eyes on me in the arena and the moment passes. She comes to blow away my inner smoke and ash like a misty breeze rolling over waterfalls from our Varykino picnic. The memory is the only balm to my discomfort. What if I didn't have those memories to temper the hurt? Would the ache inside take over take me, boil over like a rowdy pot? Could I be infuriated to the point that I might be violent again?

I exhale loudly wishing that my many emotions could be pushed out just as easy.

I never was very good at meditation. Undoubtedly, it's a discipline aided by time. I realize I lack a good 10 years formal training compared to other Jedi learners my age. No, I've never been the typical padawan. Maybe I should not, could NOT be held to the Code after all.

Yet I'm a Jedi, I know I'm better than this. So I close my eyes. Open my mind. I wait.

And a feeling arises.

The force is not merely nudging me. Nope, it's more like a shove.

Yes, Obi Wan I will make the right decision on this assignment. The right decision for _me._ The right decision for _us_

On this I shall mediate.


	3. Part III: Padme

Mmbookworm- Glad you stuck with me Bookworm! I take into account all comments and I'm very excited to have you along for the ride!

QueenYoda - Happy to see you again!...As far as hopefulness in this fic, I definitely have always be interested in A and P's relationship from more of a "realistic" perspective. Love is weird and spontaneous but I refuse to believe there wasn't some thought behind it. I know this is a space-opera but I looong to be conivinced of their relationship especially the decision to formally marry and that's what I love about fanfiction, so limitless opportunites to _be convinced_ and _to convince_.

Lusitana-Thanks for sticking around, this was the first time I wrote in Anakin's perspective. He's definitely a puzzle, had to put a bit a thought into him

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**"****You give and give and give and give. Don't you ever want to take, just a little?" –Sola Naberrie to Padme Amidala, "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones" novel by R.A. Salvatore**

Padme Amidala

500 Republica

Bedroom

Wam. Wam. Wam gooes the ache in my head. It seems that no amount of pain medication erases the dull throb entirely. The nurses reported to me via a clone trooper that I hit my head on perma-crete from a faint attributed to dehydration and exhaustion. _No kidding_, I think, and I rub my temples. Animal-inflicted flesh-wounds, bruised pelvis, dislocated shoulder, and fractured ribs round out the list of my injuries on Geonosis; yet it definitely could have been worse.

Since being discharged from the civilian med-center, my staff have exiled me to my bed for the last two days. Typho was particularly insistent upon it and has taken it upon himself to sit outside my door preventing escape. To top it off, my dutiful handmaidens have forbidden any stimuli related to work or the outside world to even cross the entry way to my bedroom. No HoloNet, no datapad. I'm sure Dorme is holding my holoreader hostage somewhere. So that leaves me alone to my thoughts…again.

It's a funny feeling, being alive on the other side of a death sentence. I've certainly been no stranger to perilous situations in my life, yet none quite so seemingly final. Right before Anakin and I entered that fateful arena, when I admitted my love to him, I truly thought we would be killed. I had finally given myself over to those feelings that had been smashed down deep within for the past few weeks. Ever since, there is a feathery-lightness to my being that I can't put my finger on. Even with these injuries, even despite this damned headache, I feel as if a shaak has been pulled off my chest. Certainly there are complications arisen from being not-dead. But there is nothing left in this galaxy that will stop Anakin and I from being together in the future. Cheating death was as if we were handed another chance to let our love live. There are no alternatives paths to take once given this gift._ Our love will live, Ani._ I know you have always seen it as supernaturally ordained and so it feels that way.

I let that sink in for a moment. It all makes me a little light-headed and then emotion threatens to over take me to the point where I have to consciously remind myself to breath. We were together just two days ago, now all of a sudden we're not. You're somewhere deep within the Jedi Temple, maybe going into surgery or coming out. My heart is strained in concern. I also miss your companionship.

With you it's so easy to be comfortable. The history between has aided in our ease but ultimately I think it comes down to our commonalities. We share many of the same values. Public service. Responsibility. Loyalty. Leadership. We have grown-up in worlds full of Mace Windus, Sio Bibbles, and Obi-Wan's. When it's just the two of us, we can be a little less relevant, a little less burdened, a little less **our positions** and a little more **ourselves**.

You saw me for me. Not merely as a political pawn to be used or a former queen to be idolized, as so many mistakenly do. You saw me as a woman. And a confidant. And a friend. Those eyes rested upon me intentional and heavy with honesty, meaning, promises. I crave to be looked at like that again. Next time I won't look away. I will willingly accept what your eyes offer me and will no longer recoil from you. I will revel in our love.

It has been a wonder to see the man you've become. Charismatic, giving, clever, thoughtful, enigmatic, capable. And of course handsome and passionate.I want you, Anakin, as the person you are. You want me as the person I am. What more needs to be settled? A decision to love and to return love should be made between lovers and lovers alone. It has no place in a Jedi Council's chambers or Senate floor. It is ours, not to be share, not to be made to ask permission for.

I can envision my family supporting this decision and it brings me comfort. I recall my sister chastising me so recently, "_You're 24 years old with a 70 year old's resume. Slow down! Enjoy and taste life before your face catches up your qualifications." _Despite my verbal objections to Sola, I have always secretly imagined a more normal existence as part of my future. An existence that would include a partner and a marriage.

Marriage. This was the first time the word came to me. Was that even a possibility? Was that something Anakin wanted?

Before I could develop my thoughts on the subject, I hear a knock from the door.

"Come in," I answer while propping myself up.

The door opens inanely slow. It's Dorme with a sheepish expression.

"M'lady, I've just spoken with the Chancellor's office."

"And…" I encourage.

"You're not going to like it. Palpatine has personally insisted that you take a short leave of absence and return home to Naboo to recover. You are to leave tomorrow."

I figured something of this nature was coming. Sometimes that man is more meddlesome-grandfather than anything. Of couse I would prefer to stay on Coruscant with this war just beginning. And Anakin was Coruscant. However, coming from Palpatine there would be no choice in the matter. I wonder too if my undoubtedly anxious family had heard of my involvement at Geonsis and petitioned him as well.

"I see," I tell Dorme. "I'll take bath. Please make all the necessay arrangement."

"There's more…The Jedi Council has commissioned Padawan Anakin Skywalker to escort you." Her face looked unsure, as if she couldn't reconcile the situation to herself. I remind myself that the last time I was sent home with him, I had been displeased with the arrangement. "I'm sorry if that's not what you would have wanted Senator."

I nod my head in a faux resigned manner and beg her privacy. I do my best to mask my pleasure as she leaves.

Dorme was wrong. This is exactly what I want. I know it now.

I want forever. And I want it to start as soon as possible.


End file.
